With the coming procedure that
will hopefully put me on the road to recovery, I thought it would be good to
start things off by sharing how things have been the past few years. To
various degrees, I've been open about my experiences but obvious different
people have heard different parts. For the first time, I thought I would do my
best to describe how everything has been and what I've been through in this
time. I've tried to write this a few times but found that each time I
would end up rambling and be all over the place. It turns out trying to open
the flood gates on years of experiences in one piece is exactly as difficult
as it sounds. I’ll do my best to maintain a semblance of organisation and logic
but that will likely lead to things being a touch on the reserved side rather
than letting it become a rant. If there’s anything that I write that interested
you and you would like to know more, you’re more than welcome to ask me. I'll also apologize in advance that this is very much on the long side, I had a lot to cover.
The first time that I noticed
that something wasn't quite right with my back was April or May 2005, at the
final volleyball tournament of my second year of cegep. At some point during the
day, I remember diving for a ball in one of the rare times that I was on the
court in the back row. As soon as I got up, I noticed that something didn't
quite feel right but, as was often the case, I didn't think much of it. I
mentioned it to my trainer after the game and she suggested some stretches. I had all but forgotten about it only to notice it again a few weeks later while playing
again and a congratulatory ass slap felt like I had been stabbed (I was playing
in a mixed volleyball tournament, and it was a girl that did it yet it was inappropriate
for me to do it back... damn double standards). From that point forward though, there was no going back to a point where I didn't feel any pain at all. That was the first day of pain that would continue for over 8 years.
While there were flare-ups from time to time and a constant
minor pain, it was in November 2007 where it started to present as a hindrance
in my everyday life. I had been working an office job and would find myself in
considerable discomfort but for the most part I was able ignore it as
background pain. It was when I started working at HMV where I would be on my
feet for hours that I noticed that staying on my feet for an entire shift quite
painful. I had to switch my wallet from my back pocket to front and
would be limping by the end of my shift. Unfortunately I was still in the
mentality that it was nothing more than a nagging injury that should be
ignored. Eventually though, I gave in and mentioned it to my doctor but because it wasn't
debilitating level, it was brushed off to the side over time (I didn't press that it was a serious issue). From this point
on, I simply tolerated the pain level and didn't think much of it.
I put
up with that pain until 2009 when it started to become a more front and center issue. I was having a hard time working and when I would get home at night I would
end up resting in bed (My parents noticed this and ended up getting me a laptop). It was at this point that I brought the issue back up with
my doctor and we started actively trying to investigate and solve the issue. I
started seeing specialists, started doing osteopathy, then physiotherapy, and
finally when that didn't work, I resorted to giving acupuncture a try (SPOILER
ALERT: sticking needles into it didn't help). Throughout this period, I was
still playing volleyball regularly at reasonably competitive level. One
evening in 2010 while playing, a player from another court ran in to ours to
play a ball. This was occurring behind me as I was setting up for a hit so I
never saw the collision coming. The player ran directly into my back and I went
down like a sack of bricks. I could hardly breathe and the pain was blinding. I
ended up needing 2 other guys to help me get up and to a bench. It was 2 weeks
until I played again and it was at that point I got quite the surprise. I bent
down to tie my shoes which was something I had been quite good for over 2 decades but when I went to tie my left shoe, I ended up tipping over from my crouched
position. When I righted myself, it happened again as soon as I put any weight
on that side. Realizing that this didn't quite seem normal, I mentioned it to
my doctor and he sent me to see a specialist. It turned out that in my big
collision, I had partially dislocated my kneecap in the fall and because of the
pain in my back, I did not notice at all. It was upon hearing that, that I realized
that I might not be taking my back as seriously as I should have been. I ended
up finishing the season but it was only upon viewing some footage of the finals
game that I saw how bad things had gotten. I couldn't figure out at first why I was
smiling in between each play. It was only upon further watching that I realized
that I was in fact grimacing between each play with my hands on my back.
 |
| It only took 6 minutes from the start of the game to get to this point |
The
remainder of 2010 is when things started to go downhill rather quickly. The
pain was no longer a background issue but something that I dealt with at all
times. Sleep became harder to come by and even when I was able to sleep, it
wasn't restful. Work started to suffer as well as I became frequently late and had a
hard time remaining focused for an entire day. While we were actively still trying to
diagnose and treat my back, no progress was being made. They had finally
located a mass in my back, but because of my history in sports, it was being treated as if it
was scar tissue from a muscle tear. Physiotherapy wasn't helpful and if
anything, was making it more painful. Medications no matter how strong, were having
no effect at all on the pain.
Upon
moving out in January of 2011, my situation would start reaching its lowest
low. In a 5 day work week, I would be late 4 times and would call in sick the
remaining day (usually in a random order). Even when at work, I was hardly able to get anything done as I
sitting at my desk was torturous. My life outside of work consisted almost
entirely of resting in bed and only occasionally was I able to make it out, and even then I
would pay for it physically. At the same time, I was also trying to balance going to Concordia part time after work. In late September of that year, I
finally admitted that I was losing the battle and decided that going on short term
disability and dropping my classes would be in my best interest. At the time, I truly believed that the
17 weeks that I had off were going to be more than enough. I imagined that it
would take a month or two before my back was completely taken care of and then I
would just spend the remaining time at the gym rehabbing my body; unfortunately,
I couldn't have been more wrong.
Short
term disability soon became long term disability, 17 weeks soon become 1 year
and 1 year quickly became 2. I've been on disability 2 years and 2 months as of this 5 days ago.
It didn't take very long to lose track of time. The only days I had to concern
myself with were when I had doctor appointments. I saw doctor after doctor who
would try to figure out what was wrong only to shrug their shoulders when they couldn't find an answer. I came to loath the phrase “I've never seen anything
like this before,” rather quickly. The diagnosis continued to be scar tissue
even though countless doctors said that it did not make any sense for these
issues to be caused by scar tissue. It was only by chance that I had another
MRI and the doctor who reviewed the images hadn't seen my history of playing
sports. I received an email on November 20th, 2012 from my doctor
informing me that the radiologist believed that it was most likely a tumor.
While this was a rather startling email to receive, it was also to inform me
that I would be sent for another MRI right away to get a better image. This
was finally the break in things that would get the ball truly rolling.
The next few months were filled
with many more doctors and finally a biopsy that confirmed that the issue was
in fact a haemangioma (a vascular malformation). From there, a first treatment was
tried and failed but now I am days away from another type of procedure. This
treatment is known as Radio Frequency Ablation and while regularly used for the
destruction of tumors, this will only be the second time the hospital has used
it for tumor located in the muscle. They've been very honest that they don’t
entirely know how things will respond. The risk of damaging muscle, nerve,
skin, and bone is quite real and likely to happen to a certain degree. That
being said, it’s a risk that’s worth taking as far as I’m concerned.
Doctors and various specialists:
- My GP
- A neurologist
- A neurosurgeon
- 5 orthopedic surgeons
- 2 radiological interventionists
- A gastroenterologist
- A rheumatologist
- An Anesthetist with a specialty in chronic pain
- A therapist specialized in chronic pain
- 5 Physiotherapists
- An osteopath
- 2 acupuncturists
Scans and diagnostic that I've tried:
- 7 MRIs
- Several Xrays
- A CT
- A nuclear bone scan
- An EMG
- Multiple blood tests
- A Small bowel follow-through
- A colonoscopy
- 2 ultrasounds
- A biopsy
The various injection treatments that I have
endured
- An unguided cortisone injection (done by eye)
- A CT guided cortisone injection
- 2 ultrasound guided sclerotherapy sessions
- A CT guided sclerotherapy sessions
After this many years, I don't remember all the different medications I've taken but I'll try my best to name a few or at least what type they were but I'm sure I'm forgetting plenty.
The drugs (in no particular order):
- Tylenol
- Tylenol arthritis
- Tylenol slow release
- Advil
- 5 types of anti-inflammatory pills
- 2 types of muscle relaxants
- Neurontin
- Lyrica
- Dilaudid
- Oxycodone
- Fentanyl
- Nortriptyline
- Effexor
- Pantropazol
One thing that I have left out of this entry is talk of my
battle with depression. I figured that that mental and emotional side of all of
this deserved some attention of its own. When I've tried writing about it, it ends up being a little overwhelming with trying to express the emotional ups and downs. While the physical side was tough, the mental strain of the past 2 years has truly been one of the hardest things to deal with. I'll try to work on putting it in to words but for now, this gives a general enough timeline and idea of what the past years have been like. I will try and touch
on certain parts, such as the 2 years of disability, more thoroughly at a later
date; most likely when I am looking back at it rather than still going through it.
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