3 years 5 months and 19 days

That’s how many days will have passed from the last time I went to work until the day I start back on March 23rd.

***

On July 25^th 2014 I had Cryo Ablation performed on the tumor in my back. I was one of the first patients to undergo this procedure at the Montreal General and it was somewhat of a trial run (in terms of the cases it could be used on, mine was rather straight forward and low risk). It was a new experience for everyone involved, so much so that representatives from the company that made the equipment were present to make sure everything functioned as expected. Everything went off without a hitch, though I wasn't too impressed when a large wrench was required to close off the freezing gas. Something about the sight of a common garage tool makes everything seem less fancy (at least it was a shiny new wrench). From there it was back to the exciting world of day surgery recovery.

The days afterwards were expectedly slow and painful but within a few I was back home on my own. After a few weeks I started to notice a difference in what I was able to do and started to push things (Like sitting!). In September I decided I had enough of my cane and opted to stop using it. It was slow going at first but soon enough my leg was stable enough to not regret my choice. To be perfectly honest, the best feeling was just having 2 hands free at all times. It’s something I didn't realize I would miss as much as I did. It’s not often you can literally say that you doubled your ability to do something.

Once the progress and improvement in how I felt became more pronounced, my insurance company stepped in and made a huge difference (who would have thought they could use their power for good). In November, my file was handed over to a rehabilitation consultant and within a few weeks I started a rehabilitation program at Concordia Physio Sport. I began seeing an occupational therapist at first and soon after began seeing a physiotherapist and an athletic therapist as well. While progress was slow going and sometimes hard for me to see, improvement was constant. From working on sitting properly, relearning to walk without a limp or learning to swing both my arms when I walked (this was so much harder to do than you can imagine, it’s a really awkward thing to think about. I was always convinced that people could tell I was trying too hard to look normal and would know I was faking it), I was constantly improving. Obviously it wasn't all smooth sailing, it didn't take long for my shoulders to start hurting from old volleyball injuries and I’m quite certain I told my athletic therapist that she single handedly ruined Christmas. Regardless, thanks to my team, and the 3 sessions a week that insurance was paying for, I was able to improve almost every aspect of my life from sleep to almost everything that wasn't sleep.

The first time I really realized that I was things were making a big difference was when I had the opportunity to play some hockey for a friend’s birthday at an indoor rink. I grew up playing hockey but it had been 15 years since I had played and roughly 4 years since I had played any sport at all. While I wasn't sure how it was going to go or even if it was a good idea to play, I wasn't going to let anything stand in my way. After a trial skating run under the supervision of my occupational therapist went well, I received the green light. I went in with what I thought were realistic expectations, I didn't want to throw up, everything beyond that was going to be a bonus. While I was a little uncertain at first, once I stopped thinking and just let muscle memory take over, I was having the time of my life. I only had the cardio to make it down the ice in one direction and coast back but the fact that I could make it all the way was more than good enough to me. The best compliment I received was when I would tell people how long it had been or what my situation was and they couldn't believe it. I certainly didn't expect to be able to keep up with everyone out there and play without a worry in the world. The worst thing that happened was how raw my throat got from breathing heavy after an hour and a half and a lot of coughing but I definitely counted that as a win. Not only was I able to do that but I was also able to go out that night. While I certainly didn't feel great the next day, it was the kind of pain that a regular person would feel and not the back pain I was accustomed to.

Once I had progressed past the point of just doing exercises at home, my occupational therapist was able to convince insurance to pay for a gym membership in February. From there, I started going 3 times a week and felt better each time I was there. While I’m convinced everyone looked at me and could tell that I was a fraud and didn't belong, I saw them doing their workouts with horrible technique so in terms in judging, we’re even. In addition to the gym, insurance arranged for me to see a job consultant to see if we could trick/convince a company that I was worth hiring (spoiler alert: We did it!).

With things progressing so well and the job search period of my rehabilitation plan set to start in April, I decided I would get a jump on things and start doing some looking around to see what was out there. After some disheartening searching, I decided to see what would happen if I looked on Craigslist. Lo and behold, a listing popped up that was exactly what I was looking for. I decided I had nothing to lose and sent them my CV. Within a few days I heard from them and they asked me to come in for an interview and do to a test. While getting to the place and the interview are stories of themselves, I’ll skip to the good part: They offered me the job on the spot. They said that after an interview that good, they couldn't let me walk out without offering me a job. I, of course, did what anyone who hadn't worked in years would do, I told them I was flattered and would get back to them in a few days to let them know what I decided. Needless to say I accepted the job and that leads me to where I am today.

While I’m excited to start a new chapter in my life (or reopen the book in general), I’d be lying if I said I was anything other than terrified. While I’m confident in my ability to do the work and adapt to that, I have not had to think that much for that long in years. I can’t fathom just how tired I am going to be. Not since beginning school at age 5 have I gone this long without regularly waking up and doing something. While I am miles ahead of where I was just a few short months ago, I came home after the interview and all I had the energy to do was lay on the couch and barely stay awake. It’s going to be a long uphill battle but I’m looking forward to it more than anything in my entire life. Seriously question, what’s an acceptable amount of time to finally learn and remember coworker’s names?

***

Chances are I'll never really get to feel normal and will always have to live with pain but compared to how things once were, I'm finally walking down the path to rebuilding my life and living again.